"One lesson that feminists crusading against sexual harrassment have successfully ingrained in some men -- and which I wish had been successfully ingrained in others -- is that it's very bad for men to express interest in women in ways that make them uncomfortable. This fits quite well with the other principles generally accepted by nice guys. But if nice guys are uncertain about what could make women uncomfortable, accepting this principle has the potential to paralyze them. They don't want to make women uncomfortable, and if they can't be sure that they won't do so by acting in a particular situation, they hold back and let opportunities pass them by. Or if they act, they do so with the lack of confidence that nice guys have when they're worried that they might be doing something wrong. This does not bode well for their chances of success. "
This is often how I feel. I am by most accounts a "nice" guy. Not 100% pushover but I feel bad if I am being selfish. It is definitely related to my problem with buying anything for myself. I can be shy (though not in the traditional sense). There is the whole physical shortcomings. But lack of initiative (I will explain why I am not saying confidence in a moment), I think is the number one problem for me.
It isn't confidence, or at least not largely so, because there are situations where I am totally confident. Give me a situation that is set up for me, and I can totally be your typical social bee. A new coworker who I have reason to talk to? No problem. Being introduced to a new member of the social group? Easy as pie. Throw me into a room full of attractive women who I have nothing obviously apparent in common and no real reason to be there (and thus no "in")? Crap. Napoleon enjoyed Waterloo more. It doesn't even have to be women though it is somewhat easier for me with men.
I can say honestly that feeling like I am imposing on someone crosses my mind in social settings a lot. I even feel that way with friends on occasion. Unfortunately, a fair amount of my social interaction reinforces that feeling. So much so that it has become as assumption that people are not interested in dealing with me. So I stopped trying. Every once in a while I stick my head back out of my hole. Usually, it ends up with me getting wacked really quickly and I go back in. Occasionally, the beat down comes after a little while. It is bad but its all I can do for now.
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