Thoughts

So far 30 is different... and I really don't know why. Maybe it is the whole being comfortable in your own skin cliche. I have nothing else to explain it. Life is basically the same but I'm different. I care less about making sure I do the right thing and worry more about what will... make me happy (?) . It isn't that quite.

I think I just learned to relax about things more. I'm old now. My life is what it is. I'm not going to be some super duper athlete or Multiple PhD. I have my set ways and I'm not apologetic about it.

I always been afraid to mention anything to people about potentials. This time hasn't been markedly different. I still shy away from it somewhat. But it is what it is, so I don't avoid it totally. It is very weird to have something develop in a normal way. All my relationships (if you can call them that) have been fucked up in some way. This is the first time I have had a normal meeting and had a woman want to see me again. I still have no clue why she does but she does. I am trying to just enjoy it for what it is even though it isn't much to speak of yet. I am hoping for a couple months of something. It doesn't have to be much. What little I have so far is precious to me. Even just potential is nice. I know it will all come crashing down but I am just trying to enjoy it for now. Hopefully, it is long enough to hit some nice restaurants I cant do alone. Tomorrow should be fun.

And then some things never change. Thursday is going to be rough. I so hope it is the right thing and it will make things better. I can't think how they can be worse... It is enough to make me pray. Sigh, this is what it is like to be an adult.